Iki bacyita iki mu Kinyarwanda? (What is it called in Kinyarwandan?)

Is there a Kinyarwandan word for “meltdown?”  As in the emotional kind.  Not the kind where you start smelling smoke coming from the hood of your car on a hot day outside of a partially built building in the middle of Africa -though that too has happened within the last 48 hours.

You know, I have felt pretty good since I have arrived in Kigali.  I’m not exactly sure what the trigger for my meltdown was since all we have been doing is seeing the sights, smelling the smells, visiting schools and churches, walking the unfamiliar streets, navigating my husband through the winding hillsides where stopping doesn’t exist where 2 or 3 (or 4) roads merge or intersect, handling the constant stares, not being able to communicate with anyone, being hungry all the time, being super conscientious of what we put into our bodies as to not get cholera, always aware of where the toilet is because I never know how quickly I may need to find it again (please have a toilet and not just a hole in the ground, I can’t afford to drop my sunglasses in their again…), going to a wedding of two people we don’t know (and don’t know us) and get moved to the front row center immediately in front of their parents with the spotlight and video camera on us instead of the bride and groom……

I know the Lord sent us here.  I thought I knew why, but maybe I made up a reason that sounded good in my own ears.  Maybe I’m not here so much to serve the people of Rwanda but to be served by them.  To be taught what it means to let people get close (very very very close.  No really, there’s no such thing as a personal bubble to Rwandans), to be broken down by humility (the good kind; the kind that says “get over your Muganga self), to struggle with the bare necessities of life, and to be placed in a position of honor when you’d much rather be a wallflower in an uncomfortable surrounding.

Whatever the reason, I’m going to try to hold it together long enough to soak in the beauty of this country and its people.